Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Contentment
I have found myself at a point in my life that I never could have imagined and at times have no idea how I am going to push through it. I feel as if everything is at a standstill and there is nothing I can do to change it. I know the Lord is teaching me, shaping me and guiding me through each day but I still have yet to see the full picture. Not being able to see the whole picture and not feeling like anything is changing is literally driving me crazy. I think this is the first time since I graduated from High school that I have been living in the same place and same job for more than a year. I never realized how much I like change and love to see my life take new steps and grow closer to goals that I have set for my life. My life has come to a standstill though...I have lived in the same place for just about 4 years now and I have been working in the same job for 3 years now. Am I content with where my life is, no. Is this what I had planned for my life, no. Could I make some quick decisions to make changes happen in my life, yes. Is that God's will for my life...not sure. Has God shown me that I don't have any control over my life, yes! Has this been a challenging time for me, very much so! I have so many hopes and dreams for my life and right now those hopes and dreams are very unclear. Right now I am listening, seeking and desiring for God to reveal a clear idea of what his plan is for me. I desire so much to trust in God's plan but find myself falling short in my trust when His plan does not align with my plan. I am a sinner and there is no way getting around it. I wish that I didn't allow my desires/dreams to overshadow God's plan. I wish I didn't have a pity party for myself at times and was just content with my blessings and the fact that God chose me, and sent his one and only son to die for my sins. The pain that Christ endured is so much greater than the pain I feel I am enduring right now. Lord I am here, forgive me for my discontentment in my circumstances. I am listening, seeking and waiting.
Friday, December 25, 2009
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Due to the inclement weather...we were snowed in this Christmas. All of our travel plans happened to fall right in the midst of the storm so instead of risking the chance of being stranded somewhere we decided to enjoy a quiet Christmas at home. Now I am not ruling out the chance of possibly attempting the drive tomorrow but for today (Christmas) we will be home! :) Not having the hustle and bustle of packing up, cleaning the house and finalizing the baking I have had a wonderful time just relaxing, enjoying the presence of Christmas, spending time with Tim and enjoying a Christmas Eve service at our church. These last couple of days have allowed me to stop and hear God speaking to me. I know God speaks to me more than I realize but I get so caught up in my to-do lists and agendas that I don't give myself time to listen and sit in his presence. These last couple of days God has just revealed the abundant amount of blessings he has given to me over the past couple of years. So many blessings that I am not worthy of. A husband that I so many times take for granted, a man that compliments me in so many ways. I always knew that God had a husband in mind for me but never knew how perfectly he was going to be for me and how unbelievably blessed I would feel knowing that God is at the center of our marriage and no matter how difficult times get we are both committed to obeying God and will remain grounded in our faith which will forever keep our marriage complete. I am so thankful that we have had these years together to grow in our marriage. Also that we have had time to experience difficulties that have not only strengthened our marriage but also our faith and walks with Christ.
The first couple of years of our marriage weren't by any means perfect and in no way the fairytale the world portrays marriage to be. However the first couple of years had many wonderful moments and the blessings were very clear to both of us. The last year and a half have definitely been more trying and at times we have given Satan's lies more of a hold in our marriage than we should have. We both knew going into our marriage that difficult times would arise and we felt we were ready to handle those as I am sure everyone feels until situations happen especially situations that you thought would never happen to you. Experiencing a miscarriage and then not getting pregnant right away has taken a tole on both of us in many different ways. We have definitely been given a chance to see how truly different men and women are and how our reactions to difficult situations can be very different, neither one of them right or wrong just different. For me it has taken a lot longer to grieve and deal with this trying time and I know that has been very difficult for Tim to watch. As a man I know that he wants nothing more than to come in and fix everything and make everything "perfect" for me again. Unfortunately these situations are out of his hands and I know that has been hard for him. Looking back on it now I can see how much of a blessing this time has been for both of us and our marriage. As we are still without a child I am more at peace with things than I ever was or ever thought I would be. God has used this very difficult time to bring us to our knees and reveal his truth to us and plan for us. No I don't know God's overall plan and I never will know his plan. However, I do know that God is forever with me, he sent his one and only son to die for my sins so that I could have an everlasting relationship with him and my short time on earth is to be spent obeying and serving him. This plan I am certain of and I am filled with joy, peace and comfort knowing this.
It is so easy to get caught up in my plan for my life and forget that it is not my plan at all (Praise the Lord!) it is God's plan and everything will be perfect in His time. I am truly so thankful this year for everything that God has been revealing to me and I am so excited and filled again with passion to serve the Lord and excited to see what God has planned for me. I doubt I am the only person who goes through times where you feel empty and wonder why it feels you can't hear God or wonder why your life is not going the way you thought it would. Remember God is always there, he never leaves you, he will always love you more than anyone can, and there are many times you have to stop, really stop and listen. God is speaking to you, but you have to be willing to listen to truly hear him. Life is never going to be the way you assumed it would be there are going to be times that are more challenging and difficult than you could have ever imagined but praise the Lord you are never alone! Rejoice in the amazing gift of Jesus and the fact that this is not the end, there is a life beyond words that is still to come. Don't let the to-do lists and agendas become all to consuming. Slow down, listen, obey, and serve the Lord right where you are in your life. Share the greatest gift you have been given to people that so desperately need it. No matter how challenging life gets it is so comforting to know that I will forever have a personal relationship with Christ and because of that I am never alone and no obstacle is too difficult for God to overcome. It is through the most difficult trials we can become weak and not allow God to have complete control. Don't allow yourself to give into grief, pain or emotions. God is far greater than that and is there when you are ready to listen and trust in His plan. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and take time to REJOICE in Christ's birth, the most AMAZING gift of all!
"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior."
Luke 1:47
"And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."
Luke 2:10-11
The first couple of years of our marriage weren't by any means perfect and in no way the fairytale the world portrays marriage to be. However the first couple of years had many wonderful moments and the blessings were very clear to both of us. The last year and a half have definitely been more trying and at times we have given Satan's lies more of a hold in our marriage than we should have. We both knew going into our marriage that difficult times would arise and we felt we were ready to handle those as I am sure everyone feels until situations happen especially situations that you thought would never happen to you. Experiencing a miscarriage and then not getting pregnant right away has taken a tole on both of us in many different ways. We have definitely been given a chance to see how truly different men and women are and how our reactions to difficult situations can be very different, neither one of them right or wrong just different. For me it has taken a lot longer to grieve and deal with this trying time and I know that has been very difficult for Tim to watch. As a man I know that he wants nothing more than to come in and fix everything and make everything "perfect" for me again. Unfortunately these situations are out of his hands and I know that has been hard for him. Looking back on it now I can see how much of a blessing this time has been for both of us and our marriage. As we are still without a child I am more at peace with things than I ever was or ever thought I would be. God has used this very difficult time to bring us to our knees and reveal his truth to us and plan for us. No I don't know God's overall plan and I never will know his plan. However, I do know that God is forever with me, he sent his one and only son to die for my sins so that I could have an everlasting relationship with him and my short time on earth is to be spent obeying and serving him. This plan I am certain of and I am filled with joy, peace and comfort knowing this.
It is so easy to get caught up in my plan for my life and forget that it is not my plan at all (Praise the Lord!) it is God's plan and everything will be perfect in His time. I am truly so thankful this year for everything that God has been revealing to me and I am so excited and filled again with passion to serve the Lord and excited to see what God has planned for me. I doubt I am the only person who goes through times where you feel empty and wonder why it feels you can't hear God or wonder why your life is not going the way you thought it would. Remember God is always there, he never leaves you, he will always love you more than anyone can, and there are many times you have to stop, really stop and listen. God is speaking to you, but you have to be willing to listen to truly hear him. Life is never going to be the way you assumed it would be there are going to be times that are more challenging and difficult than you could have ever imagined but praise the Lord you are never alone! Rejoice in the amazing gift of Jesus and the fact that this is not the end, there is a life beyond words that is still to come. Don't let the to-do lists and agendas become all to consuming. Slow down, listen, obey, and serve the Lord right where you are in your life. Share the greatest gift you have been given to people that so desperately need it. No matter how challenging life gets it is so comforting to know that I will forever have a personal relationship with Christ and because of that I am never alone and no obstacle is too difficult for God to overcome. It is through the most difficult trials we can become weak and not allow God to have complete control. Don't allow yourself to give into grief, pain or emotions. God is far greater than that and is there when you are ready to listen and trust in His plan. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and take time to REJOICE in Christ's birth, the most AMAZING gift of all!
"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior."
Luke 1:47
"And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."
Luke 2:10-11
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