Nothing clears my mind more than a long run outside. Unfortunately for me the winter usually puts a damper on outdoor running. However, this winter I was forced to come to terms with baring the brutal cold. I discovered that if you wear the right layers it really isn't that bad. After the way this winter has gone, I am glad I have come to terms with winter running! I was able to get a 5 1/2 mile run in yesterday and it felt great! I had to stick to the streets because of the snow but most drivers went around me respectfully. At the beginning of my run my mind was filled with many different thoughts and I began to filter through those and remove the pointless annoyances/stresses. I was able to move on to quality thoughts and finally a time of quietness and a point where I could finally hear God speaking to me. This run left me with a deep sense of peace and God's unconditional love surrounding me. There are many days that I question my life and wonder whether or not I am truly following in God's plan for my life. This past year I feel as if my life as been in a stand still. I wonder if this is where God wants me right now? Then I the question comes to mind am I questioning my place in life because I am not happy where I am it? This could be exactly where God wants me to be and is using this "standstill" time to teach me and guide. I have always been a person who loves change and loves to see what the next move is going to be. I don't like to sit around and I am always seeking the next step in life. This run left me with the answers I had been seeking and battling with for sometime. God gave me a sense of peace in knowing that I am living out His plan right now. Each day, each trial, and each challenge I am growing deeper in my relationship with him and trusting in God's perfect plan no matter what trials and difficulties I face, in the end God is good and that is all that matters.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28
I am thankful to know that I have not been placed on this earth to live a life depicted by societies idea of "perfection". I have been placed on this earth to live in God's perfection for my life and that is so much greater. At the middle of my run I specifically remember words from The David Crowder Band "The Veil" that stated "do not fall, something greater is on the way, try to hang on". These words were so clear to me and I just felt a great amount of peace after hearing those words. I was filled with love and could feel Christ's presence with me. I have been struggling these last couple of weeks emotionally and have just found myself drained and empty. There are just so many things I don't understand and at times find life's trials to be unbearable. However I am continually reminded of the far greater sacrifices that Christ made for me and I am humbled by his amazing love for us all and in awe of His grace. I know God is guiding and growing me right now and I am thankful for these times that I am brought to my knees. I am a sinner and without Christ there is no purpose to my life. I am thankful for my savior and excited to serve Him in His perfect plan. For now I will take one day at a time to trust, listen and serve him wholeheartedly.
I pray for spiritual strength Romans 3:14-19, desire to walk in love Romans 5:1-4 and seek strength in the Lord Romans 6:10-20.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I have found myself at a point in my life that I never could have imagined and at times have no idea how I am going to push through it. I feel as if everything is at a standstill and there is nothing I can do to change it. I know the Lord is teaching me, shaping me and guiding me through each day but I still have yet to see the full picture. Not being able to see the whole picture and not feeling like anything is changing is literally driving me crazy. I think this is the first time since I graduated from High school that I have been living in the same place and same job for more than a year. I never realized how much I like change and love to see my life take new steps and grow closer to goals that I have set for my life. My life has come to a standstill though...I have lived in the same place for just about 4 years now and I have been working in the same job for 3 years now. Am I content with where my life is, no. Is this what I had planned for my life, no. Could I make some quick decisions to make changes happen in my life, yes. Is that God's will for my life...not sure. Has God shown me that I don't have any control over my life, yes! Has this been a challenging time for me, very much so! I have so many hopes and dreams for my life and right now those hopes and dreams are very unclear. Right now I am listening, seeking and desiring for God to reveal a clear idea of what his plan is for me. I desire so much to trust in God's plan but find myself falling short in my trust when His plan does not align with my plan. I am a sinner and there is no way getting around it. I wish that I didn't allow my desires/dreams to overshadow God's plan. I wish I didn't have a pity party for myself at times and was just content with my blessings and the fact that God chose me, and sent his one and only son to die for my sins. The pain that Christ endured is so much greater than the pain I feel I am enduring right now. Lord I am here, forgive me for my discontentment in my circumstances. I am listening, seeking and waiting.