Contentment

I have found myself at a point in my life that I never could have imagined and at times have no idea how I am going to push through it. I feel as if everything is at a standstill and there is nothing I can do to change it. I know the Lord is teaching me, shaping me and guiding me through each day but I still have yet to see the full picture. Not being able to see the whole picture and not feeling like anything is changing is literally driving me crazy. I think this is the first time since I graduated from High school that I have been living in the same place and same job for more than a year. I never realized how much I like change and love to see my life take new steps and grow closer to goals that I have set for my life. My life has come to a standstill though...I have lived in the same place for just about 4 years now and I have been working in the same job for 3 years now. Am I content with where my life is, no. Is this what I had planned for my life, no. Could I make some quick decisions to make changes happen in my life, yes. Is that God's will for my life...not sure. Has God shown me that I don't have any control over my life, yes! Has this been a challenging time for me, very much so! I have so many hopes and dreams for my life and right now those hopes and dreams are very unclear. Right now I am listening, seeking and desiring for God to reveal a clear idea of what his plan is for me. I desire so much to trust in God's plan but find myself falling short in my trust when His plan does not align with my plan. I am a sinner and there is no way getting around it. I wish that I didn't allow my desires/dreams to overshadow God's plan. I wish I didn't have a pity party for myself at times and was just content with my blessings and the fact that God chose me, and sent his one and only son to die for my sins. The pain that Christ endured is so much greater than the pain I feel I am enduring right now. Lord I am here, forgive me for my discontentment in my circumstances. I am listening, seeking and waiting.