Tick tock tick tock...

"Minutes seem like hours when you are waiting for someone!" I have heard my father use this term many times when I was growing up and it seems more and more true to me right now. However I would say, "Hours seem like days or days seem like weeks when you are waiting for your precious baby to arrive!" I realize that I don't have much longer at all and I am super excited about that however, I have a feeling these last couple of days might seem like an eternity. I have had a lot of people ask me if I am getting nervous and I can honestly say I am not. The excitement to meet our baby girl over powers every other emotion that I have. It is just unbelievably crazy to think our tiny little girl will be in our arms shortly. We have waited for this moment for such a long time and to think it could happen anyday is unreal. Today I will finish up some last minute errands, put some last minute things away in the nursery, finalize some items in my classroom, and hopefully get a nap and finish a book that I am reading. Sleep is kind of a hit or miss thing these days and unfortunately last night was not a good night of sleep so we will see how productive I am! I will end with a couple sneak peak pictures of the nursery, minus the areas that have her name on them...that will be revealed when she arrives!

Back...with many new changes on the way!

It has been a VERY LONG time since I have updated my blog. I realize there are few people that keep up with my sporadic and random ramblings but to those who happen to browse every now and then I apologize for my lack of updates. So much has happened since my last post. I have attempted to update my blog a couple of different times but for some reason decided not to post them.

With the new year under way I am going to try and be a little more consistent with my posts and keep those few followers updated. My life will soon be taking a new turn as I quickly approach the new adventures of a first time MOM!

Here is a quick recap of the past 11 months:

*In May I celebrated my 30th Birthday. I was dreading the big day but all in all it wasn't so bad. I had a great time celebrating it in Omaha at Magnolia Hotel, enjoying some delicious dinners and drinks at the Old Market and had a wonderful time with friends at the Henry Doorly Zoo!

*June turned out to be a very exciting month...Tim and I found out we were due to have a baby in February. We are both still in awe that this little miracle is going to join us in a couple of weeks!

*In June and July we were blessed with amazing trips with both sides of our families. We stayed at a beautiful beach home on the coast of Oregon with Tim's family and spent a week in a cabin at Kawishiwi Lodge in Northern Minnesota with my family. We were very fortunate to have two amazing trips planned before our little one arrives.

*I started back to school in the fall and was very happy that my 1st trimester had come to an end before I had to keep up with 28 third graders!

At this point Tim and I have enjoyed preparing for out little girls arrival and anxiously anticipating all the new changes that will come with a tiny baby. We feel so blessed and still find ourselves in awe of God's amazing miracle. The day we found out we were expecting we had signed up to attend an informational meeting on adoption. Before signing up for the meeting Tim and I had many conversations about our desire for a family and spent a lot time in prayer. We had finally surrendered our journey for a family and placed it in God's hands. We were open to what God had planned for us and not what we thought should be planned for us. That day God opened our eyes and answered our prayer in a way that at one point we thought might be impossible.

Here is to a year of keeping up with my blog and embarking on the new adventures of motherhood!

Refinement

I am sure you have noticed a pattern in my last couple blogs. Life in a standstill, seeking contentment, questioning my purpose, desiring God's will and plan etc. Today I am thankful for my trials, I am thankful for God's patience with me, I am thankful that he will never give up on me, I am thankful each day he draws me closer and closer to him through my everyday circumstances. It is so easy to say God is great. God's plan is perfect. The part that gets tricky and sometimes messy is the application and truly living it out(especially on those dark days). Every person I come in contact with has the opportunity to see Christ in me whether it is through my actions or words. They have the opportunity to see Christ in me during the good and bad times. Lets face it we are human and no matter what, we are going to have bad days. It's those days that we can choose to wallow in disappointment and self pity or we can stop, pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and be thankful that we are saved. We have to be mindful to move past the focus on "me" and move on to the focus of serving Christ through our relationships with others. This life has nothing to do with me but it has everything to do with God's Kingdom and if I get too caught up in "my" life I begin to miss the whole point. I am here to be a living example of Christ and to allow others to know Christ through my life and my example. God has me at the exact place he wants me and I am here to serve him abundantly in my everyday life as a wife, teacher, friend, daughter, and sister. I am so glad God has brought me to this place and continues to refine my life.

"I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable. Psalm 145: 1-3

Time to listen.

Nothing clears my mind more than a long run outside. Unfortunately for me the winter usually puts a damper on outdoor running. However, this winter I was forced to come to terms with baring the brutal cold. I discovered that if you wear the right layers it really isn't that bad. After the way this winter has gone, I am glad I have come to terms with winter running! I was able to get a 5 1/2 mile run in yesterday and it felt great! I had to stick to the streets because of the snow but most drivers went around me respectfully. At the beginning of my run my mind was filled with many different thoughts and I began to filter through those and remove the pointless annoyances/stresses. I was able to move on to quality thoughts and finally a time of quietness and a point where I could finally hear God speaking to me. This run left me with a deep sense of peace and God's unconditional love surrounding me. There are many days that I question my life and wonder whether or not I am truly following in God's plan for my life. This past year I feel as if my life as been in a stand still. I wonder if this is where God wants me right now? Then I the question comes to mind am I questioning my place in life because I am not happy where I am it? This could be exactly where God wants me to be and is using this "standstill" time to teach me and guide. I have always been a person who loves change and loves to see what the next move is going to be. I don't like to sit around and I am always seeking the next step in life. This run left me with the answers I had been seeking and battling with for sometime. God gave me a sense of peace in knowing that I am living out His plan right now. Each day, each trial, and each challenge I am growing deeper in my relationship with him and trusting in God's perfect plan no matter what trials and difficulties I face, in the end God is good and that is all that matters.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

I am thankful to know that I have not been placed on this earth to live a life depicted by societies idea of "perfection". I have been placed on this earth to live in God's perfection for my life and that is so much greater. At the middle of my run I specifically remember words from The David Crowder Band "The Veil" that stated "do not fall, something greater is on the way, try to hang on". These words were so clear to me and I just felt a great amount of peace after hearing those words. I was filled with love and could feel Christ's presence with me. I have been struggling these last couple of weeks emotionally and have just found myself drained and empty. There are just so many things I don't understand and at times find life's trials to be unbearable. However I am continually reminded of the far greater sacrifices that Christ made for me and I am humbled by his amazing love for us all and in awe of His grace. I know God is guiding and growing me right now and I am thankful for these times that I am brought to my knees. I am a sinner and without Christ there is no purpose to my life. I am thankful for my savior and excited to serve Him in His perfect plan. For now I will take one day at a time to trust, listen and serve him wholeheartedly.

I pray for spiritual strength Romans 3:14-19, desire to walk in love Romans 5:1-4 and seek strength in the Lord Romans 6:10-20.

Contentment

I have found myself at a point in my life that I never could have imagined and at times have no idea how I am going to push through it. I feel as if everything is at a standstill and there is nothing I can do to change it. I know the Lord is teaching me, shaping me and guiding me through each day but I still have yet to see the full picture. Not being able to see the whole picture and not feeling like anything is changing is literally driving me crazy. I think this is the first time since I graduated from High school that I have been living in the same place and same job for more than a year. I never realized how much I like change and love to see my life take new steps and grow closer to goals that I have set for my life. My life has come to a standstill though...I have lived in the same place for just about 4 years now and I have been working in the same job for 3 years now. Am I content with where my life is, no. Is this what I had planned for my life, no. Could I make some quick decisions to make changes happen in my life, yes. Is that God's will for my life...not sure. Has God shown me that I don't have any control over my life, yes! Has this been a challenging time for me, very much so! I have so many hopes and dreams for my life and right now those hopes and dreams are very unclear. Right now I am listening, seeking and desiring for God to reveal a clear idea of what his plan is for me. I desire so much to trust in God's plan but find myself falling short in my trust when His plan does not align with my plan. I am a sinner and there is no way getting around it. I wish that I didn't allow my desires/dreams to overshadow God's plan. I wish I didn't have a pity party for myself at times and was just content with my blessings and the fact that God chose me, and sent his one and only son to die for my sins. The pain that Christ endured is so much greater than the pain I feel I am enduring right now. Lord I am here, forgive me for my discontentment in my circumstances. I am listening, seeking and waiting.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Due to the inclement weather...we were snowed in this Christmas. All of our travel plans happened to fall right in the midst of the storm so instead of risking the chance of being stranded somewhere we decided to enjoy a quiet Christmas at home. Now I am not ruling out the chance of possibly attempting the drive tomorrow but for today (Christmas) we will be home! :) Not having the hustle and bustle of packing up, cleaning the house and finalizing the baking I have had a wonderful time just relaxing, enjoying the presence of Christmas, spending time with Tim and enjoying a Christmas Eve service at our church. These last couple of days have allowed me to stop and hear God speaking to me. I know God speaks to me more than I realize but I get so caught up in my to-do lists and agendas that I don't give myself time to listen and sit in his presence. These last couple of days God has just revealed the abundant amount of blessings he has given to me over the past couple of years. So many blessings that I am not worthy of. A husband that I so many times take for granted, a man that compliments me in so many ways. I always knew that God had a husband in mind for me but never knew how perfectly he was going to be for me and how unbelievably blessed I would feel knowing that God is at the center of our marriage and no matter how difficult times get we are both committed to obeying God and will remain grounded in our faith which will forever keep our marriage complete. I am so thankful that we have had these years together to grow in our marriage. Also that we have had time to experience difficulties that have not only strengthened our marriage but also our faith and walks with Christ.

The first couple of years of our marriage weren't by any means perfect and in no way the fairytale the world portrays marriage to be. However the first couple of years had many wonderful moments and the blessings were very clear to both of us. The last year and a half have definitely been more trying and at times we have given Satan's lies more of a hold in our marriage than we should have. We both knew going into our marriage that difficult times would arise and we felt we were ready to handle those as I am sure everyone feels until situations happen especially situations that you thought would never happen to you. Experiencing a miscarriage and then not getting pregnant right away has taken a tole on both of us in many different ways. We have definitely been given a chance to see how truly different men and women are and how our reactions to difficult situations can be very different, neither one of them right or wrong just different. For me it has taken a lot longer to grieve and deal with this trying time and I know that has been very difficult for Tim to watch. As a man I know that he wants nothing more than to come in and fix everything and make everything "perfect" for me again. Unfortunately these situations are out of his hands and I know that has been hard for him. Looking back on it now I can see how much of a blessing this time has been for both of us and our marriage. As we are still without a child I am more at peace with things than I ever was or ever thought I would be. God has used this very difficult time to bring us to our knees and reveal his truth to us and plan for us. No I don't know God's overall plan and I never will know his plan. However, I do know that God is forever with me, he sent his one and only son to die for my sins so that I could have an everlasting relationship with him and my short time on earth is to be spent obeying and serving him. This plan I am certain of and I am filled with joy, peace and comfort knowing this.

It is so easy to get caught up in my plan for my life and forget that it is not my plan at all (Praise the Lord!) it is God's plan and everything will be perfect in His time. I am truly so thankful this year for everything that God has been revealing to me and I am so excited and filled again with passion to serve the Lord and excited to see what God has planned for me. I doubt I am the only person who goes through times where you feel empty and wonder why it feels you can't hear God or wonder why your life is not going the way you thought it would. Remember God is always there, he never leaves you, he will always love you more than anyone can, and there are many times you have to stop, really stop and listen. God is speaking to you, but you have to be willing to listen to truly hear him. Life is never going to be the way you assumed it would be there are going to be times that are more challenging and difficult than you could have ever imagined but praise the Lord you are never alone! Rejoice in the amazing gift of Jesus and the fact that this is not the end, there is a life beyond words that is still to come. Don't let the to-do lists and agendas become all to consuming. Slow down, listen, obey, and serve the Lord right where you are in your life. Share the greatest gift you have been given to people that so desperately need it. No matter how challenging life gets it is so comforting to know that I will forever have a personal relationship with Christ and because of that I am never alone and no obstacle is too difficult for God to overcome. It is through the most difficult trials we can become weak and not allow God to have complete control. Don't allow yourself to give into grief, pain or emotions. God is far greater than that and is there when you are ready to listen and trust in His plan. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and take time to REJOICE in Christ's birth, the most AMAZING gift of all!

"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior."

Luke 1:47

"And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."

Luke 2:10-11

Calling all college recruits!

Doesn't he look adora... I mean tough!

We are so proud of you!

Waiting for his turn on defense. Still needing to grow into the uniform a bit!

What better way to enjoy a beautiful fall Saturday morning, then to cheer on one of my favorite nephews as he dominates the opposing team at his football game. I was thrilled to be able to make it to one of Ethan's games and still amazed he is old enough to play with full football gear! He is growing up to be such a handsome and kindhearted boy. I am so proud to be his Aunt and so thankful God brought him into our lives. He has been an amazing blessing to all of us. I am excited to watch Ethan grow with Christ and to see what plans God has for his life. He is a true joy and blessing in my life and I pray that he always keeps Christ at the center of his life. Great job at your game Ethan, you did awesome! Love you!

Prioritizing

It has been quite some time since my last post. I have had a few posts in between but nothing really worth posting. I have gotten away from my journaling and feel that it is important for me to get back into it again. Since I was in grade school I have always kept a diary/journal. In grade school my journaling was superficial and really didn't amount to much except for family outings, arguments with my sister and what was happening at school. During my freshman year of college I started to journal on a more regular basis and my journal entries developed into me revealing my heart to the Lord and my daily struggles in walking with Christ. It was always a very intimate and personal time for me. Reading back through some of my entries I find myself battling with different issues and can see how Christ walked with me and guided me through those times.

My last true journal entries were written shortly before I met Tim. I clearly remember journaling about my desire to have a husband and the characteristics I thought I needed in a man. Shortly after that journal entry, I found myself at Applebee's eating dinner with Tim and feeling as though I had known him my entire life. I felt as though he must have found my journal and read every detail of it because each time he spoke he was revealing a characteristic that I had written down and been praying for. God not only revealed how perfectly he answers our prayers but also how they are answered in His perfect time and plan.

Since Tim and I have been married I have fallen away from journaling. Your daily life definitely changes when you are a full time wife and full time teacher. I have found myself journaling at sporadic times but not obediently and consistently as I did in college. I need this time back and I know that Lord has been calling me back to him. It is not enough for me to just have quiet time with him when I find time, I need to make Him my priority and pursue my personal relationship with him more than I pursue anything else. I am not sure why I chose to write about this but this is what is on my mind today. I tend to be a more reserved person with my thoughts and keep a lot of my thinking private. However I am going to try and break out of my shell a bit and be more honest and open with who I am, the struggles I deal with and the blessings the Lord reveals to me. I plan on doing some of my journaling on my blog but also plan on returning to my daily written journal and engage in my quiet time with the Lord once again. Thank you Jesus for your grace, unfailing love, willingness to walk with me in every circumstance and always beckoning me to draw closer to you.

Easter!

We were fortunate enough to spend the entire Easter weekend with my family this year. All of us (my brother, sister and their families) were able to make it back to my parents house. It was great to spend extra time with everyone and be able to share and celebrate in such an amazing day together.

Spring Break - Arizona

I am long overdue on my blogging...here is a little recap on some of the events that have happened in our lives the last couple of months. We had a fabulous time in Arizona over Spring Break! I miss the amazing weather, wonderful food, catching up with family and friends, hiking Camelback mountain, morning walks with my hubby, and lounging around by the pool. It was a perfect place to celebrate our 3 year Anniversary! I am so blessed to be married to such an amazing man. Here are some pictures of our wonderful vacation. Unfortunately we had a camera malfunction on the trip so most of our favorite pictures are no longer existant...these should give you a pretty good idea of our trip!

The TRUE blessing of Christmas

As I take time to really reflect on the Christmas season this year, I find myself filled with many different emotions. I have found myself very busy enjoying all the preparations it takes in preparing for Christmas day. The one item I have somewhat dreaded this year however is our Christmas cards. I came to a point a couple of weeks ago and decided not to do them. Nothing really exciting has happened in our lives this year and the things that we have experienced weren't necessarily what I wanted to share in a Christmas card. However after walking by the stack of Christmas cards resting on our desk, I finally gave in and completed them all but two. I chose not to do a letter in any of the cards but I still wanted to send out a card/picture and let all of our friends and family know we love them and wish them a Merry Christmas. However I had two cards I saved for the end. These are two very dear friends of mine from college that unfortunately I have not talked to for a very long time. I knew my friends would want to hear from me and would want to know the changes that Tim and I experienced this year.

So with two cards left to send out I finally sat down this weekend and decided I would write them both a personal note. I sat down yesterday afternoon and at first decided I would write the note out by hand, the first one got the best of my emotions so I decided to make a couple changes and write a second one. However, by this time my hand was throbbing with pain, my hand clearly is not in shape for hand written notes! Anyway after stopping in the middle of the second note I finally decided to attempt a third one and type this one out. I can't tell you how much of a blessing this Christmas letter turned out to be. God has revealed so much to Tim and I through our miscarriage in September and it is amazing to see the number of blessings we have received despite the pain we have experienced. I am so blessed this Christmas to know that not only is our child in heaven with Christ this Christmas season but that Tim and I have been given the greatest blessing of all and that is our personal relationship with Christ. There are so many things that Tim and I can be thankful for this year but most of all we are thankful for God sending his only son to us so that we can live an eternal life with him. With this amazing gift we will one day be reunited with our child who is already in heaven.

It is so easy to get caught up in the "preparations" of Christmas and overlook the true meaning of Christmas. I am so thankful that God has used this experience and this time of year to really awaken me to the true meaning of Christmas. I found myself wallowing in my self-pity of writing a Christmas card with no exciting news to really share however I was missing the point. Tim and I have the greatest news of all to share and the unexpected "disappointment" has in turn renewed our walk with Christ and opened our eyes to the true gift of all.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS!

Luke 2:10-11

Fall

Fall has always been one of my favorite times of year. This year I have especially enjoyed it! I don't know if it is because we have previously experienced such a long/cold winter and then a soggy summer. Whatever the reason I have made a point to do all of my favorite things during this season. Here is my top ten list of favorite things to do in the fall in no specific order:

1. Go CAMPING! I love to camp and the fall is definitely one of the best times to go. The leaves are changing, sleeping weather is perfect and the warm campfire always feels great in the evenings! We have started a tradition with my brother, sister-in-law, sister, brother-in-law, nephew and my cousins, Emily, her husband Ben and my cousin David to make an annual camping trip to the ledges around this time of the year. Last year was our first year doing it and we continued the tradition this year at the beginning of October. Unfortunately my cousins and brother-in-law were not able to make it but rest of us continued the tradition! We had amazing weather and enjoyed a wonderful time together. I can't wait for next year!





2. Visit a PUMPKIN PATCH We were able to visit the Carroll Pumpkin Farm in Grinnell, Iowa this year with a group of friends. We had a great time and were amazed by all the activities that were there. The farm is absolutely beautiful! The weather was great and thanks to Joni (Carroll) Boone we were able to stay a little later and enjoy dinner around a campfire that evening!




3. Decorate PUMPKINS! I wanted to get a pumpkin this year and didn't want to deal with the mess of carving it. So I thought of a different idea and decided to "monogram" the pumpkins instead!



4. Visit the FARMER'S MARKET. I wasn't able to attend the Des Moines Farmer's Market as much as I would have liked to this summer. So I wanted to make up for it this fall. I have had quite a few weekends in October and September that I have been able to attend. It is by far one of my favorite things to do on Saturday mornings. Now that I have Tim hooked on the "famous" breakfast burritos he is more than happy to tag along with me! Last week while I was at the Farmer's Market I picked up a delicious bag of apples which will go along with my next item!



5. Make a homemade APPLE PIE. I have never made an Apple Pie from scratch and with Apple Orchards in season I thought this would be the perfect time of year to make one! I love to bake so this was a lot of fun. I will have to continue to work on the "decorative" part of it but enjoyed making my first Apple Pie!



6. Enjoy a PUMPKIN PIE BLIZZARD from DQ. Pumpkin Pie is my favorite kind of blizzard from DQ. This kind is seasonal so I have to enjoy them now while they are still available. If you have never had one, try one they are delicious!

7. Sip on a PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE from Starbucks. Again these are also seasonal and one of my favorite drinks from Starbucks. I have only had one so far but I am looking forward to having a few more before they are taken off the menu!

8. Attend a FOOTBALL GAME. Football is one of my favorite sports to watch and fall is not fall without watching a game outside. I love bundling up in a cozy sweatshirt, a comfy pair of jeans and enjoying the crisp air and excitement of a good game! This unfortunately I have yet to do. The ISU games have not worked into our schedules so I am hoping to attend the Ankeny/Southeast Polk football game in a couple of weeks!

9. Play on a FALL SOFTBALL LEAGUE. Tim is basically good at every sport and if we ever play a sport one on one he always beats me! This can be very frustrating to me at times because I do tend to be competitive. One of my character flaws would be that I don't like to lose (just ask Tim about our monopoly game!). So it is so much fun to play in a sport where we can be on the same team and win together! We both enjoy playing softball and it is actually a sport that I can keep up with Tim in. Playing in the fall is always fun. We are on a co-ed team through our church this year and have had a lot of fun.

10. REJOICE and make time to thank the Lord for the many blessings he has given us. Everyday I am in awe of the new things the Lord teaches me and this season I have been in awe by both the teachings and amazing beauty he provides us with everyday.
"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

I hope that maybe one of my top ten list items will inspire you to enjoy this season! Also if you have a favorite thing to do in the fall that I have not mentioned send me a post! I would love to hear any new ideas!

Joy

Last December during my Christmas break I woke up early one morning to have some "quiet" time. During that time I came across verse 16 in 1 Thessalonians "Be joyful always". This verse has stayed with me and the word joy has constantly been on my mind since that time. Also shortly after that devotional time we celebrated Christmas with my extended family. Each year we have a random gift exchange (we draw numbers, person with number one gets to pick a gift first, the person after them can select their gift or pick a new gift etc.). So we never know for sure whose gift we will receive. Randomly after many different trades I ended up with a gift from my Grandma. The gift ended up being a Willow Tree Angel and the description on it read Joy "Joy frees the spirit". I was completely taken back by the gift and again felt that God was revealing this word to me for a particular reason. I know that the Lord is wanting me to learn from this verse/word and apply this verse/word to my daily life.

This fall I was thrilled when I found out that a study was going to be led in our church on the book of Philippians. I feel the Lord has been leading me to study this book for the last couple of months and again this book is centered around the word joy! I am excited to see what the Lord is going to reveal to me during this study. I also feel that with everything I have gone through the last two months joy was something the Lord did not want me to forget when dealing with a very difficult situation. No matter what the circumstance we are to always feel joy in our hearts because we have the greatest joy of all and that is our personal relationship with Christ. No circumstance/situation can every void out that joy that will always and should always remain in our hearts.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer". Romans 12:12

Many things in my life have changed since my last post. Over a month ago I was enjoying my last bit of summer vacation and dreaming of possibly expecting a child within the first couple of months of school. August quickly became a very busy, exciting and difficult month. The beginning of the school year is always a blur and I am always amazed at how I am able to have my classroom "ready" for the first day of school. During this very busy first week, Tim and I found out our dream of having a child had come true! So now the excitement of starting a new school year was mixed with the pure joy of expecting a child! At that moment I decided nothing about this school year was going to get me down because my dream had come true! I didn't care if my students ended up being the most horrible class, my heart was set on April and the new joy of being a mother!

Those first two weeks of school I was on "cloud nine". I was busting at the seems to tell everyone yet a part of me wanted to hold back just in case something happened. The more I told people the more excited I got however a part of me still felt that I should be more reserved with our news. Then on Friday, August 29th exactly two weeks since school had started and six weeks into our pregnancy I began to experience a miscarriage. The emotions that started that day are indescribable. No one is prepared for this emotional roller coaster. I had so many questions, so much pain, confusion and anger and I had no idea how to deal with any of it. All I knew was that the child I had just begun to dream about was just as quickly taken away. How could this happen? This was not the way I expected my first pregnancy to go. What went wrong? Was I not praying for my baby enough? Was I not trusting in the Lord enough during the pregnancy? I never even got to even hold my baby. These were many of the thoughts and questions that quickly began to fill my mind.

Since Labor Day weekend I have been on a very difficult grieving and healing journey . Through many people's prayers the Lord has carried me through the hardest times and walked with me during the days that I began to recover. I have never doubted the Lord and believe in my heart that His plan is a perfect plan and I trust that we will have a family on earth in His time. I know this experience has brought me closer to the Lord and blessed me with a newer and deeper personal relationship with Him. However, I do still miss my baby and long to hold my baby but I have hope and peace knowing my baby is in heaven and someday I will be reunited with her/him. I am comforted knowing my baby is at peace and in a perfect place.

Thank you to all that have been praying for Tim and I during this difficult time. We felt all of your prayers. It was especially hard on the very difficult days for me to pray and seek God's truth on my own, your prayers lifted me up and carried me when I was lacking in my strength. I especially want to thank my husband, Tim. The support, strength and love you showed me during this time was amazing. I don't tell you enough how blessed I am to have you as my husband. When I prayed for a husband I never dreamed I would be blessed with a man like you. Thank you for listening, praying and holding me. I love you.

God is awesome and even through the difficult times, when we feel so alone, He is there and will never leave our sides. The Lord is our forever constant, hope and strength.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our own sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Valley Junction Farmer's Market

This was my first experience at the Valley Junction Farmer's Market and I had a fabulous time! The weather was perfect, we were with great friends, we ate delicious food, visited many "girly" shops, saw many adorable dogs, and I was able to find some great gifts! If you have never been, you need to go, and if you need someone to go with give me a call!

YUMMO!

This was a very simple and delicious recipe that I tried this week. Can you guess where the recipe is from? Yes of course, from one of my favorite magazines Simple and Delicious!

I love cooking and I am always interested in new recipes. If you have any great ones feel free to post them to my blog!

Grilled Pork Tenderloin

1/2 c. Italian salad dressing
1/4 c. reduced-sodium soy sauce
1 pork tenderloin (1 pound)
1/2 teaspoon steak seasoning

*In a large resealable plastic bag, combine salad dressing and soy sauce; add the pork. Seal bag and turn to coat; refrigerate for up to 4 hours. (The longer you refrigerate it the better, I made this twice and the second time I refrigerated it overnight and it had a lot more flavor!)

*Coat grill rack with cooking spray before starting the grill. Prepare grill for indirect heat. Drain and discard marinade. Rub pork with steak seasoning.

*Grill pork, covered, over indirect medium-hot heat for 25-40 min. or until a meat thermometer reads 160. Let stand for 5 min. before slicing. Yield: 4 servings.

Tomato Cucumber Salad

5 plum tomatoes, chopped
1 medium cucumber, coarsely chopped
8 ounces cubed part-skim mozzarella cheese
1 c. balsamic Vinaigrette

*In a large resealable plastic bag, combine the tomatoes, cucumber and cheese. Add dressing; seal bag and turn to coat. Refrigerate for at least 15 min. Serve with a slotted spoon. Yield: 8 servings

ENJOY!!

Our Dog Max

One of my favorite McFarland Moments was the day we adopted our adorable Schnoodle, (mix between a Schnauzer/Poodle, basically an expensive mutt) Max into our family. Tim and I had both grown up with dogs and were really excited to someday have a dog of our very own! After we were married we decided that was the next natural step to take.

The most difficult decision was deciding on a breed. Tim had his heart set on a large dog, (Golden Retriever or German Shepard) however because of our living situation and association rules we could not have anything over 25 lb. I had only grown up with large dogs (Yellow Labs and English Springer Spaniels) so I was not familiar with a lot of small dog breeds but was kind of excited to finally own a small dog. Having had the opportunity to grow up with large dogs my whole life I knew exactly what characteristics drove me up the wall and ideally I wanted to find a small dog that did not have these same characteristics!

Growing up I was never a fan of slobbery wet kisses that our dogs for some reason thought I enjoyed. Also I was not a fan of always managing to leave the house with half of my dogs hair still on me! Ok, maybe I was exaggerating a little bit about the dog hair, but I know I was very thankful that the lint roller had been invented! I also am a little bit of a cleanaphobic. Dog hair everywhere would not have been a good anecdote to my phobia. Having a dog that did not shed would make my life so much easier! There was one characteristic of a small dog that I did fear as well. That was the barking. Most of the small dogs that I had been around had this endless bark that I knew would put me over the edge. This characteristic was also added to my list of traits I did not want to have in our dog. Yikes, after this list maybe I wasn't ready for a dog... maybe I should have just gotten a web kin! :)

However, with that list in check we began our search for a small, minimal barking, non shedding, and minimal drooling dog! I didn't know if there was a breed out there that could meet these expectations. While we were searching every small dog breed out there Tim became set on wanting a Beagle. Yes they are nice looking dogs but I was told they had an uncontrollable bark and with that said there was no way I wanted to pursue them any further. Plus I had my heart set on this soft, fluffy (non shedding), cuddly puppy and Beagles did not seem to have any of those traits. Tim agreed that the barking would get old and so we began our search once again. I never mentioned the soft, fluffy and cuddly traits to Tim...I didn't think he was probably interested in those! :)

I wasn't sure if there was a dog out there that could meet all of our/my expectations until I discovered the Schnoodle! No shedding, does not drool, minimal barking and absolutely ADORABLE! It did not take me very long before I was sold on this breed. After convincing Tim that this was something we should look into we began scanning the newspapers/Internet for Schnoodles. We finally found a breeder in Altoona, IA that sold them!

We were very excited to go, ok I was probably more excited then Tim but I think he was a little excited as well! :) When we first got there we were shown about 6 baby Schnoodles. They were all adorable! I didn't know how we could decide on just one. After playing with all of them and being very indecisive we finally decided on one. They took him inside to give him a fresh bath, but while they were inside cleaning him up we discovered another one that caught our eye!

Sitting in the middle of a cage with other puppies around him, was this adorable puppy smiling right at us! As soon as I made eye contact with him I knew he was the one! I convinced Tim that there was no way I could leave without him. We had to tell the owners we picked the wrong one! By this time the owners had come back out with the freshly bathed puppy we had originally picked. I slowly walked over to the owners and told them I was very sorry but I decided to pick a different puppy instead. I think they were use to my indecisiveness and probably anticipated me changing my mind. They said it was no problem to switch puppies and agreed that the puppy we picked was adorable! So finally they gave our puppy a bath, handed him over to us and sent us on our way with our first Schnoodle puppy.

It has been about 2 yrs. since we got Max and he has lived up to every one of my expectations! He is a wonderful dog and I am so glad he is part of our family. We have had many funny memories with him and look forward to sharing many more!

I really wasn't sure what I wanted to write in my first blog but for some reason Max came to mind! I think it must have been inspired because I am reading Marley and Me by John Grogan which is an adorable story about a family and there life adventure with a very spontaneous dog! If you haven't read it, I would highly recommend it!